Last Column Ever. Kind of.

For reasons that I don't care to go into at the moment, I quit the college newspaper (The Equinox) early this winter. I remained friends with my editor, who begged me all semester long to come back.  Regrettably, I was too stubborn (and busy) to do so, but for the last week (which no one would likely read) I decided to make one last appearance: enjoy.
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                It’s been a while since I’ve written anything worth reading, this I know. My name has not seen print since early this winter and as far as The Equinox and my limited readership was concerned, I had dropped off the map; vanished; died of unknown causes. While spending a semester of soul searching, the last thing I cared about was contributing to a school newspaper.  For this, I apologize.

                Now, on the eve of another semester, my focus has shifted from the chaos of daily routines to the realization that in less than a year I will be on the street, searching and waiting for the next chapter of my life. There soon may come a time where I am not so privileged as to rant on paper and have the guarantee that it will at least be printed. So for one last time, with the help of the fine staff at The Equinox, I request an opportunity to rise from the grave and give my column the eulogy it deserves.  I can think of no better way to do this than to rant about seemingly arbitrary ideals and the magnificence of existence.  Sorry folks, but it’s the only way I know how to go…

Reflection #1: Learn to shut your mouth.

                There’s no better way to learn about a person than to sit down and snap your trap shut. Open your ears for once; be focused and respectful, there is a lot to be valued in silent awareness. An old proverb says “He who talks most knows the least,” and in general, this is why so many people find me to be an imbecile.  When our mouths are open, our perception is closed.  Learning to stay silent, to become better listeners and to contemplate things more deeply is a life-long goal to strive for, and if you’re willing to bite the bullet, well worth the effort. In the famous words of Winston Churchill, “Eating words has never given me indigestion.” Just because your words aren’t heard doesn’t mean your values don’t exist.

Reflection #2: Never deny the power of love and understanding.

                Sure, the world is chaos – wars are fought, lives are lost, seasons reach their finales and none of it seems to make any sense; life is overwhelming and often unfair. But compassion for another human being is one of the most powerful experiences to behold in the human condition, and it can fix a lot.  This doesn’t mean finding your “perfect match” or becoming obsessed with roses and butterflies and corporate holidays.  You are free to pursue a love-life (or lack thereof) to whatever extent you feel is necessary, but in the process don’t be afraid to show love and admiration for those who are important in your life. Instead of putting time and dedication into your Farmville crops, take time to realize the potential in all human beings to grow – there are a lot of ignorant things people do, but only love can conquer the worst of our habits.

Reflection #3: Our perception is limited to ourselves: make the best of it.

                The world you see around you, the complex symbol structures that have risen from society, and how you understand it all is contained entirely within your brain and shared from person to person. To paraphrase Chuck Palahniuk, everything you are is composed of everything you have ever done and everyone you have ever met. What does this mean to me? Perhaps, that there is no such thing as an objective reality.  Science majors out there please don’t take this personally, but even science is a symbol system that we made up. Even if it’s the best method we’ve got, it’s just another product of society. As much as our current view of the world has likely helped us progress, it has just as likely limited us in ways we can’t yet imagine. Hindsight is always 20/20. 

                Free your mind, don’t sweat the small stuff, take a deep breath, and don’t be afraid to marvel at the beauty of existence. In the wise words of Lao Tzu, “Ever desireless, one can see the mystery. Ever desiring, one sees the manifestations.”

Reflection #4: Never believe anything you’ve ever read.

                
That includes this column. 
(As an addendum to reflection #4, lists are bullshit)

Peace,

Kevin M.

The Phenomenon of Spirituality

     The summer before my sophomore year at college initiated a very long-winded and (possibly) offensive struggle with my religious upbringings.  It was a momentous part of my life - I became infatuated with logic and science, critical thinking took precedence over core values, and I'm sure I took time to debate religion with damn near everyone I met.  There was a lot to be gained and a lot to be left behind in this period of my life, but I have no regrets.  
     I can say with (relative) confidence that if there will be a tail end to this period in my life, it's fast approaching.  I'm happy to have left the limitations of Christianity behind me - it works for many people, but after 19 years it was quickly making me feel that I had yet to find my true self - and while I don't think I'll ever cling to one specific religion or another in the future, I will always be experiencing, seeking, or living a spiritual quest that I'm only just coming to understand.  The Tao Te Ching mentions that overwhelming the "spirit" with knowledge and wisdom is akin to a newborn who has yet to learn to smile.  I struggled with this; it's a notion that I will likely consider well beyond my education before I conclude its validity (that is, if one must be "right or wrong")


     Why are so many people drawn to religion, or at a more whole level, basic spirituality? There are obvious quips in response, which I will leave to the reader to consider, but here's a theory I've been pondering:


     People all over the world, provided they are "healthy" and "functioning" (terms which I will use loosely, based on their sensitivity), have a desire to reproduce.  This is a biological response that most creatures experience.  Likewise, we follow through with our hardwiring and produce offspring.  Fully grown adults can be charted on an integral; if we ignore declining height (due to various "health problems" and age), a 20-year-old will (more or less) be the same size until they (hopefully) die of old age and well-being.  This is the adult body, and following this logic, one could figure out an average height for all "adult-beings" on earth.  
     Now, compare the overwhelming existence of a newborn.  One could deduce from the model illustrated above that there is an average size of "newborn-beings."  Think carefully about that ratio of measurement (I'd guess that the average adult is 4-6 times bigger than the average baby, but that could be a shoddy estimate).  As we grow older, both mentally and physically, the gap between "newborn-being" and "adult-being" is gradually narrowed, providing a continual sense of "reaching the adult world."  And then, much to our surprise, we suddenly arrive.
     This might provide one explanation for the difficult and confusing times of our teenage years - we no longer feel mentally young, but physically we're "not quite adult" which is, understandably, frustrating as hell.  But I digress...
     Again, think about this transformation - when else in our lives will we experience a being with a higher (or at least comparable) perception of the world around us with a body size ratio that is five times our average size? (This is ignoring the "baby genius" hypothesis, that our point of highest intelligence and clearest perception of the world is at birth)
     To a newborn, the only way I can picture the world around me would be one of overwhelming proportions and complexity - this is likely why we forget the youngest part of our childhood; it's all simply information overload.  And yet, through the haze of confusion that is this new existence, there are beings (what we will come to understand as "adults" "parents" and "mentors") who guide us, nurture us, and attempt to prepare us for "the real world."
     I believe that as we grow older, spirituality arises from our desire to recapture the all-encapsulating omnipotence that we experienced from our nurturers during the early moments of our lives.  We all build expectations for the adult world, but (at least most of us) realize that things aren't laid out for all to see when we get there.  Adult life is liberating but challenging - we face higher responsibilities, live faster paced lives, attain further (but not limitless) understanding of our existence, and surprisingly, find that much of the bullshit that went on in high school never truly dissipates.
     Perhaps this is a foolish conclusion to drawn, but this must at least contribute to the reason all cultures have stories of supernatural.  We all have an innate desire for wisdom outside of ourselves or guidance that supersedes the current state of affairs...


     Although I often reject the notion of a "higher power" I'm also fascinated by the limitations of human perception - we pride ourselves for our accomplishments while ancient teachings and cutting edge scientific advances both lead us to reason that we're not as in control as we'd like to think we are.  A friend of mine once told me the story of the first viking ships seen by American Indians - to the few who had encountered such vessels, they saw ships; those who had never experienced such momentous manipulation of wood, metal and cloth, however, literally saw nothing.
     If there are beings or powers that are truly "omnipotent" in this universe, I can't see it possible that they would be beings or powers to be comprehended in our limited understanding of the 3rd dimension and a handful of human-created languages and methods of education.  Quantum Physics and String Theory suggest there are up to 10 dimensions, which often leads me to believe that humans know quite literally nothing about the "true" nature of the universe - even if we can try to stretch our brains to imagine higher dimensions, we will never truly "experience" them in the way we see, hear, touch, smell and taste our current surroundings.  Even if we could, would a higher understanding of things lead to ultimate apathy?  Would we not assume the mentality of Dr. Manhattan, the omnipotent character from the classic graphic novel Watchmen?


     I often (guiltily) day-dream about the one circumstance in which I would be thrilled at the existence of a higher being, a la the narrative of the classic film The Day the Earth Stood Still.  Beings from another world, who have undergone a more "beneficial" process of evolution and achieved higher levels of understanding in the universe, would visit out planet in attempts to save it from self destruction. But, alas, if there were beings with a higher understanding of the universe, or energies that could perceive higher dimensions than our own, what purpose would they have to visit our self-destructing planet and malignant growth of our species? Even if they were benevolent and kind to one another, a perfectly peaceful species, who is to say they would feel any guilt in committing genocide on behalf of the betterment of the Earth, not the betterment of any particular species?  Who's to say we wouldn't appear any different than a parasite? Who's to say humans would take precedence in the new world order, or furthermore, who's to say that we're not already part of a higher level of organization that we simply can't perceive?  
     I know this is drawing from a sense of fascinated paranoia, but like the story of American Indians mentioned above - if we were in the presence of something that is entirely outside of our normal scope of perception, or furthermore, something that has never entered our scope of perception, what information could we draw on to understand it? Would we sense anything at all?


    This, of course, is all stemming from my original topic - the human desire to find higher spiritual being.  I suppose while my bout with religion is nearing a close, my quest for further understandings of my own spirituality - my want to be a part of something larger than myself - is just beginning to unfold...

Brooding over Free Will, Film and Metaphysics

     In philosophy, psychology, communications, biology, and arguably every academic field, there is a point where students are asked to posit the notion of free will. Most would argue that we have free will, but several psychology based and metaphysically based ideologies would argue otherwise - free will is an illusion, they say.

     For the most part, I've never really given this argument any thought. Even after positing the existence of the soul through Academic Earth's presentation of a Yale philosophy seminar, the approach to support deterministic views of existence always came off as facetious to me. We must have free will, I thought, there are just no two ways around that. Until I was in the library today, typing in a media viewing room - I attempted to be as quiet as possible.

    Here's a thought exercise and a meditation exercise to ponder: If you think you have complete control over your every action, try to do any mundane task in completion without making a single noise.

     Now, the more quick witted of my readers might jump to say that this is impossible, for biology, physics and sound mechanics would suggest that even in complete silence, we would be able to hear our heartbeat. People with hearing problems can still feel vibrations - no one is completely unaffected by sound waves. This is an excellent point, and a wonderful thing to focus on and realize the world of chaos that surrounds us, but for the purposes of this meditation, disregard that fact.

     Try to do a mundane task - unzipping your backpack, getting dressed, eating a snack, sitting down, or even walking down the hallway - without making a single audible noise. As mentioned before, this task is physically impossible in the sense of quantum physics (our particles are always making vibrations and emitting energy), but it is not impossible from a practical sense. Is anyone able to do anything, no matter how mentally present, with complete perfection that makes not a single audible noise? I wonder if this is something Zen masters contemplate. You might notice that simple slips of a finger might let something loose or rub against another surface.

     This awareness exercise it reminiscent of Angeles Arrien's book The Four Fold Path, in conjunction with the Warrior path. The warrior’s job is to show-up; to be present and mindful at all times. Trying to set up my desk from my backpack in a room with one other person and closed doors was extremely difficult but equally rewarding. It was the most I've ever felt aware of the present moment...the perpetual bloom of "now." Reaching that state of awareness also made me reflect on my perception of the world around me, which led to a movie idea...


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Movie idea:

     The camera is following the same view of someone walking down the street. Not necessarily POV as in on the shoulders and shaky, but POV as in the camera is pointed in a fixed direction, approximate to the facing direction of the person in question, moving in the direction and speed of travel (my girlfriend informed me that this is called "tracking"). At the instant any other person rolls in to frame and happens to make eye contact with the main view (symbolizing eye contact with two people), the camera's view immediately cuts to the new person's POV, briefly aligning person A's exterior with its previous interior, and person B's interior with its previous exterior.
     For example, Person A is walking down the street, and sees Person B driving a minivan down the street, who happens to make eye contact with Person A. Immediately, we cut to Person B's perspective, such as a camera mounted on top of the minivan (or symbolizing the height with an artificial front of the vehicle and a movie trolley to reduce shake) which is now pointed directly in line with Person A's exterior image (a character that we could previously not see).
     It would be as if Person A is seeing their reflection in someone else's perspective. Now, presumably (unless I could think of a good reason otherwise) the cut would take place in real time, so if this was modeling a real life situation, it would be complete chaos. The hypothesis would be that you would start somewhere and go very far just through the causal process of eye contact. Likewise, you also face the possibility of making eye contact with someone who is headed home - in which case the camera would be switching back and forth between family members who make eye contact.  This, of course, would be the purpose of the experiment - finding where one line of perspective can take us.
     Although filming it in real life would be literally impossible (unless we rigged an entire set population with cameras and just stopped the film when someone made eye contact with a person who doesn't have a camera. Or we could do a closed course, strategically choreographed set with a camera following each person that was set off by a remote trigger, but even then we'd have to have automatically rotating stands that would be making the authentic look of changing eye contact. I wonder if you started in a city how quickly you would end up in a rural area. I suppose the film would be an excellent example of chaos theory and systems dynamics. Technically speaking, even if the entire thing was choreographed, if you simply started on a different person (even Person B instead of Person A) you'd have an entirely different film, theoretically speaking. I suppose there have to be mathematics to support this; I'm going to look into it.

     Anyway, as an example, we have person A. We in fact have an infinite alphabet of people, each with their own unique personality and background. By transferring immediately from Person A's perspective to the next person in the alphabet that Person A encounters and this new person's perspective, it would be taking a linear approach to a chaotic world. But since no person transfers out of their body and follows a gaze, making a film like this would inevitably imply that reality itself is not linear but cyclical, or at least interconnected. I suppose this is where systems theory and chaos theory originated from...

     How else could you ever explain an experiment like that mathematically without hitting a brick wall of a meta-dimensional mind-blowing realization that there is no such thing as objective reality (or at least not an objective reality that the human mind can comprehend)?
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This comes back to free will - if we're not free to think about anything and everything, that is, if the human mind is limited by perception, what constitutes as a will that is free?


I added this video just to illustrate the limitations of our perception.  We might be able to think about higher dimensions, but our perception is more or less limited to the third, even if our being is tied to higher dimensions through the simple fact that our atoms exist.


Does that limit our ability to act freely?