Roulette

I never truly met you, although I would come to tell others I had.

Lonely, with a wandering mind left ajar, we found warmth; luck.

Learning the geometry of curls left unfurled and evidence of libation,

Neither my mind nor my heart knew just how to talk to one another.

Ethereal, your presence; pixels enameled in what was once eternal.

Solemnly I feigned impassioned suavity, a hand extended in serenity;

Saccharine, this love; for what we seek is forever intangible. So be it.

Prime Roast Pictures

When I purchased my current pair of ear-buds from the coercive labyrinth of online shopping (Amazon), I was sold on the notion of canceling sound. Out of indifference I've kept them for over a year, but it's no surprise that $29.99 does little to shut out the world. Without music blasting through these bits of wire mesh and rubber, the cacophony of a coffee shop at lunch-hour is ablaze in my ears. For all intents and purposes I'll keep my ears plugged up; it is loud out there, and it's just as loud in my head.


Repossessed Dave & Buster's mug within reach, second dose of freshly extracted caffeine bouncing through my nervous system; I'm in the immutable middle ground of busyness and emptiness. I'm task-less and relaxed; pondering and people-watching. The walls and surfaces display a menagerie of colors, textures, stains and marks which only add to the quixotic ambiance of my surroundings. Pencil shavings, cherry grain, coffee rings, the smell of leather and toasted walnuts, and what looks like the sticky fingerprint of an abandoned morning-glory muffin-bottom fill my perspective. The crowd is building and the man sitting next to me is talking to himself in gibberish with a pinch of unprovoked laughter. This is one of my favorite places in town, but with the growing dissonance in my ears I can think of a few other places I'd rather be. It's surprisingly cold outside and I'm without a jacket. Provided I maintain the presence of an aimless, jacketless man, I have no place to be but warm and buzzed in my finely upholstered highchair, checking out the barista and contemplating my life.


I didn't come here to write, I came here to sip coffee and read the Avadhuta Gita – the enlightened song of Dattatreya (look him up). Somewhere along my path of accepting the transcendental non-duality of existence, my pocket vibrated; freaked me out a bit. Up to that point I had been engrossed in that book. Realizing it was not my consciousness extinguishing attachment to the tangible self, I picked up my phone and replied "why not?" to a request for this column. This leaves us both in the same place – 362 words into the smattering of my internal dialogue, wondering the exact same thing – "where's he going with this?"


Maybe it's my resurgence of interest in Eastern philosophy, maybe it's the fact that my college-bound self has yet to acclimate to my academic surroundings, but more and more of me is caring less and less. It's not a state of catharsis, but a quiet acceptance of chaos. At least that's how it feels this afternoon.


I've made some serious decisions in my life in the past week, decisions that will undoubtedly shape the remainder of my time at Keene. Things have been dreadfully slow at times and uncannily busy at others, but most evident has been the rediscovery of the creative undercurrent in my brain. I feel like a new person, and I'm terribly unfamiliar with this new me. I've had more outbursts of thought and reckless anxiety than I can recall in my adult life.


This seems to happen every fall semester. Keene erupts with new life, the nights become longer, and traffic builds on an exponential scale. New and old faces fill once-empty corridors and classrooms while the city and my psyche undergo fantastic transformation. These emotions resonate with seniors everywhere; after three years, the thrill of a beloved college town can fade with potentially trying times glittering on the horizon. It has for me, but I'm OK with it.


Serendipity, in all of her wisdom (and hotness, if you're thinking of Selma Hayek's character from "Dogma") has bestowed me with some curve-balls during my college years. The burden of transcribing a life into memories becomes harder with age, but it's also an incredible gift. With an increase of chances taken in my life, I've only found an equivalent trend in understanding.


READER'S NOTE: I acknowledge that by taking the column in this direction, I come off as a self-absorbed, semi-delusional, navel-gazing hipster to about 90 percent of the readership, and there's little we can do about it; you wanted a column, you get one.


You can laugh, but life is chaos. We all have limited control in our realities, and most of it is an illusion. Not an illusion in the sense that it's not there, but in that we only barely comprehend the complex system of control we're engaged in. Our understanding of everyday life is a sliver of the whole picture, limited by our culture, our age, our upbringings, our location; our path in life. The progression of existence is eternal and self-sustained but our choices in life factor into its progression with each passing day. We each have expectations and preconceived notions of the world, and these facets of understanding govern much of our lives. Of course, there are six billion hopes and dreams to compete with, and along the way many of them cancel each other out. Everything we do is accepting a part of our role in chance, and for every gain there is a loss, for every loss, a gain.


I still lose sleep over "what's next," but the less I let it bother me, the more I can sit back and watch the present moment unfold on its own. After all, the only person who sees my reality, hears my thoughts, and feels my energy is me. The only provider of sustaining judgment is I. Everyone sees the world differently. Beneath our perceptions though, there is something more – it moves, it breathes, and transcends our existence. But I digress.


Let chance happen. Let ambiguity take hold of you. Change your plans, walk new roads, think new thoughts, break free of your cycle, and make a new one. Find yourself; find meaning in the process. Ask questions and listen to the world. Be in the world. Remove your attachment to it and let it fill the space for you, be confident in solitude and embrace the possibility of chance. You might just start to see the world in a whole new light… or, you might be stuck fiddling with your ear-buds, wishing you had a jacket, and spacing out at a muffin stain on the table while trying to write a column that no one will read.

Icy drops

Hear the cascades 

Feel the damp air

Smell the absence of warmth

And the lull of autumn

As the fiery tendrils ignite

As the ether pulls and sways with color

As seasons change

And souls are found.

Be with the numbness

Absorb and amplify the sound

Tangle thoughts betwixt stillness and sleep

And release your mind

As the seeking spirits wander

As the solitude of company steps forth

As the faces of loved ones dance

And the room swells with life.

Strike a chord

Strum a wooden match

Simmer in waves of fidelity and memory

And be glad

As the leaf was one living

As the leaf now sings in freedom from substance

As its channels burst forth with color

And our eyes are but one of the mind's raconteurs 

Therapy.

I'm ceasing to care about the self-absorbed mental titillations of others.

I feel better.

Absorbing light.

Shades of color steep in the hot summer atmosphere
Like a menagerie of wheeled tea-leaves...
They float, as rays bounce beneath their chassis.
I can only suppose they feel safe from
Thick, invisible clouds
With their radios on;
Their electronic tumors blasting crackled voices into their brains...

A start, a stutter; a race has started.
Their eyes do not see me.
Their thoughts will not perceive me.
United in their motion,
Separated by their destination.
The spectrum cast upon my eyes shuffles them
Between panes of glass,
Moist air
and the Ether.

Ghostly, transparent shades projected
(Equally hurried yet juxtaposed)
Upon the trembling wavelengths of extending branches and paper-thin hands.
The ghosts and the tea leaves and the hands;
Seamlessly bound,
Without their knowing.

Last Column Ever. Kind of.

For reasons that I don't care to go into at the moment, I quit the college newspaper (The Equinox) early this winter. I remained friends with my editor, who begged me all semester long to come back.  Regrettably, I was too stubborn (and busy) to do so, but for the last week (which no one would likely read) I decided to make one last appearance: enjoy.
_________________________________________________


                It’s been a while since I’ve written anything worth reading, this I know. My name has not seen print since early this winter and as far as The Equinox and my limited readership was concerned, I had dropped off the map; vanished; died of unknown causes. While spending a semester of soul searching, the last thing I cared about was contributing to a school newspaper.  For this, I apologize.

                Now, on the eve of another semester, my focus has shifted from the chaos of daily routines to the realization that in less than a year I will be on the street, searching and waiting for the next chapter of my life. There soon may come a time where I am not so privileged as to rant on paper and have the guarantee that it will at least be printed. So for one last time, with the help of the fine staff at The Equinox, I request an opportunity to rise from the grave and give my column the eulogy it deserves.  I can think of no better way to do this than to rant about seemingly arbitrary ideals and the magnificence of existence.  Sorry folks, but it’s the only way I know how to go…

Reflection #1: Learn to shut your mouth.

                There’s no better way to learn about a person than to sit down and snap your trap shut. Open your ears for once; be focused and respectful, there is a lot to be valued in silent awareness. An old proverb says “He who talks most knows the least,” and in general, this is why so many people find me to be an imbecile.  When our mouths are open, our perception is closed.  Learning to stay silent, to become better listeners and to contemplate things more deeply is a life-long goal to strive for, and if you’re willing to bite the bullet, well worth the effort. In the famous words of Winston Churchill, “Eating words has never given me indigestion.” Just because your words aren’t heard doesn’t mean your values don’t exist.

Reflection #2: Never deny the power of love and understanding.

                Sure, the world is chaos – wars are fought, lives are lost, seasons reach their finales and none of it seems to make any sense; life is overwhelming and often unfair. But compassion for another human being is one of the most powerful experiences to behold in the human condition, and it can fix a lot.  This doesn’t mean finding your “perfect match” or becoming obsessed with roses and butterflies and corporate holidays.  You are free to pursue a love-life (or lack thereof) to whatever extent you feel is necessary, but in the process don’t be afraid to show love and admiration for those who are important in your life. Instead of putting time and dedication into your Farmville crops, take time to realize the potential in all human beings to grow – there are a lot of ignorant things people do, but only love can conquer the worst of our habits.

Reflection #3: Our perception is limited to ourselves: make the best of it.

                The world you see around you, the complex symbol structures that have risen from society, and how you understand it all is contained entirely within your brain and shared from person to person. To paraphrase Chuck Palahniuk, everything you are is composed of everything you have ever done and everyone you have ever met. What does this mean to me? Perhaps, that there is no such thing as an objective reality.  Science majors out there please don’t take this personally, but even science is a symbol system that we made up. Even if it’s the best method we’ve got, it’s just another product of society. As much as our current view of the world has likely helped us progress, it has just as likely limited us in ways we can’t yet imagine. Hindsight is always 20/20. 

                Free your mind, don’t sweat the small stuff, take a deep breath, and don’t be afraid to marvel at the beauty of existence. In the wise words of Lao Tzu, “Ever desireless, one can see the mystery. Ever desiring, one sees the manifestations.”

Reflection #4: Never believe anything you’ve ever read.

                
That includes this column. 
(As an addendum to reflection #4, lists are bullshit)

Peace,

Kevin M.

The Phenomenon of Spirituality

     The summer before my sophomore year at college initiated a very long-winded and (possibly) offensive struggle with my religious upbringings.  It was a momentous part of my life - I became infatuated with logic and science, critical thinking took precedence over core values, and I'm sure I took time to debate religion with damn near everyone I met.  There was a lot to be gained and a lot to be left behind in this period of my life, but I have no regrets.  
     I can say with (relative) confidence that if there will be a tail end to this period in my life, it's fast approaching.  I'm happy to have left the limitations of Christianity behind me - it works for many people, but after 19 years it was quickly making me feel that I had yet to find my true self - and while I don't think I'll ever cling to one specific religion or another in the future, I will always be experiencing, seeking, or living a spiritual quest that I'm only just coming to understand.  The Tao Te Ching mentions that overwhelming the "spirit" with knowledge and wisdom is akin to a newborn who has yet to learn to smile.  I struggled with this; it's a notion that I will likely consider well beyond my education before I conclude its validity (that is, if one must be "right or wrong")


     Why are so many people drawn to religion, or at a more whole level, basic spirituality? There are obvious quips in response, which I will leave to the reader to consider, but here's a theory I've been pondering:


     People all over the world, provided they are "healthy" and "functioning" (terms which I will use loosely, based on their sensitivity), have a desire to reproduce.  This is a biological response that most creatures experience.  Likewise, we follow through with our hardwiring and produce offspring.  Fully grown adults can be charted on an integral; if we ignore declining height (due to various "health problems" and age), a 20-year-old will (more or less) be the same size until they (hopefully) die of old age and well-being.  This is the adult body, and following this logic, one could figure out an average height for all "adult-beings" on earth.  
     Now, compare the overwhelming existence of a newborn.  One could deduce from the model illustrated above that there is an average size of "newborn-beings."  Think carefully about that ratio of measurement (I'd guess that the average adult is 4-6 times bigger than the average baby, but that could be a shoddy estimate).  As we grow older, both mentally and physically, the gap between "newborn-being" and "adult-being" is gradually narrowed, providing a continual sense of "reaching the adult world."  And then, much to our surprise, we suddenly arrive.
     This might provide one explanation for the difficult and confusing times of our teenage years - we no longer feel mentally young, but physically we're "not quite adult" which is, understandably, frustrating as hell.  But I digress...
     Again, think about this transformation - when else in our lives will we experience a being with a higher (or at least comparable) perception of the world around us with a body size ratio that is five times our average size? (This is ignoring the "baby genius" hypothesis, that our point of highest intelligence and clearest perception of the world is at birth)
     To a newborn, the only way I can picture the world around me would be one of overwhelming proportions and complexity - this is likely why we forget the youngest part of our childhood; it's all simply information overload.  And yet, through the haze of confusion that is this new existence, there are beings (what we will come to understand as "adults" "parents" and "mentors") who guide us, nurture us, and attempt to prepare us for "the real world."
     I believe that as we grow older, spirituality arises from our desire to recapture the all-encapsulating omnipotence that we experienced from our nurturers during the early moments of our lives.  We all build expectations for the adult world, but (at least most of us) realize that things aren't laid out for all to see when we get there.  Adult life is liberating but challenging - we face higher responsibilities, live faster paced lives, attain further (but not limitless) understanding of our existence, and surprisingly, find that much of the bullshit that went on in high school never truly dissipates.
     Perhaps this is a foolish conclusion to drawn, but this must at least contribute to the reason all cultures have stories of supernatural.  We all have an innate desire for wisdom outside of ourselves or guidance that supersedes the current state of affairs...


     Although I often reject the notion of a "higher power" I'm also fascinated by the limitations of human perception - we pride ourselves for our accomplishments while ancient teachings and cutting edge scientific advances both lead us to reason that we're not as in control as we'd like to think we are.  A friend of mine once told me the story of the first viking ships seen by American Indians - to the few who had encountered such vessels, they saw ships; those who had never experienced such momentous manipulation of wood, metal and cloth, however, literally saw nothing.
     If there are beings or powers that are truly "omnipotent" in this universe, I can't see it possible that they would be beings or powers to be comprehended in our limited understanding of the 3rd dimension and a handful of human-created languages and methods of education.  Quantum Physics and String Theory suggest there are up to 10 dimensions, which often leads me to believe that humans know quite literally nothing about the "true" nature of the universe - even if we can try to stretch our brains to imagine higher dimensions, we will never truly "experience" them in the way we see, hear, touch, smell and taste our current surroundings.  Even if we could, would a higher understanding of things lead to ultimate apathy?  Would we not assume the mentality of Dr. Manhattan, the omnipotent character from the classic graphic novel Watchmen?


     I often (guiltily) day-dream about the one circumstance in which I would be thrilled at the existence of a higher being, a la the narrative of the classic film The Day the Earth Stood Still.  Beings from another world, who have undergone a more "beneficial" process of evolution and achieved higher levels of understanding in the universe, would visit out planet in attempts to save it from self destruction. But, alas, if there were beings with a higher understanding of the universe, or energies that could perceive higher dimensions than our own, what purpose would they have to visit our self-destructing planet and malignant growth of our species? Even if they were benevolent and kind to one another, a perfectly peaceful species, who is to say they would feel any guilt in committing genocide on behalf of the betterment of the Earth, not the betterment of any particular species?  Who's to say we wouldn't appear any different than a parasite? Who's to say humans would take precedence in the new world order, or furthermore, who's to say that we're not already part of a higher level of organization that we simply can't perceive?  
     I know this is drawing from a sense of fascinated paranoia, but like the story of American Indians mentioned above - if we were in the presence of something that is entirely outside of our normal scope of perception, or furthermore, something that has never entered our scope of perception, what information could we draw on to understand it? Would we sense anything at all?


    This, of course, is all stemming from my original topic - the human desire to find higher spiritual being.  I suppose while my bout with religion is nearing a close, my quest for further understandings of my own spirituality - my want to be a part of something larger than myself - is just beginning to unfold...

Brooding over Free Will, Film and Metaphysics

     In philosophy, psychology, communications, biology, and arguably every academic field, there is a point where students are asked to posit the notion of free will. Most would argue that we have free will, but several psychology based and metaphysically based ideologies would argue otherwise - free will is an illusion, they say.

     For the most part, I've never really given this argument any thought. Even after positing the existence of the soul through Academic Earth's presentation of a Yale philosophy seminar, the approach to support deterministic views of existence always came off as facetious to me. We must have free will, I thought, there are just no two ways around that. Until I was in the library today, typing in a media viewing room - I attempted to be as quiet as possible.

    Here's a thought exercise and a meditation exercise to ponder: If you think you have complete control over your every action, try to do any mundane task in completion without making a single noise.

     Now, the more quick witted of my readers might jump to say that this is impossible, for biology, physics and sound mechanics would suggest that even in complete silence, we would be able to hear our heartbeat. People with hearing problems can still feel vibrations - no one is completely unaffected by sound waves. This is an excellent point, and a wonderful thing to focus on and realize the world of chaos that surrounds us, but for the purposes of this meditation, disregard that fact.

     Try to do a mundane task - unzipping your backpack, getting dressed, eating a snack, sitting down, or even walking down the hallway - without making a single audible noise. As mentioned before, this task is physically impossible in the sense of quantum physics (our particles are always making vibrations and emitting energy), but it is not impossible from a practical sense. Is anyone able to do anything, no matter how mentally present, with complete perfection that makes not a single audible noise? I wonder if this is something Zen masters contemplate. You might notice that simple slips of a finger might let something loose or rub against another surface.

     This awareness exercise it reminiscent of Angeles Arrien's book The Four Fold Path, in conjunction with the Warrior path. The warrior’s job is to show-up; to be present and mindful at all times. Trying to set up my desk from my backpack in a room with one other person and closed doors was extremely difficult but equally rewarding. It was the most I've ever felt aware of the present moment...the perpetual bloom of "now." Reaching that state of awareness also made me reflect on my perception of the world around me, which led to a movie idea...


_________________________________________________

  
Movie idea:

     The camera is following the same view of someone walking down the street. Not necessarily POV as in on the shoulders and shaky, but POV as in the camera is pointed in a fixed direction, approximate to the facing direction of the person in question, moving in the direction and speed of travel (my girlfriend informed me that this is called "tracking"). At the instant any other person rolls in to frame and happens to make eye contact with the main view (symbolizing eye contact with two people), the camera's view immediately cuts to the new person's POV, briefly aligning person A's exterior with its previous interior, and person B's interior with its previous exterior.
     For example, Person A is walking down the street, and sees Person B driving a minivan down the street, who happens to make eye contact with Person A. Immediately, we cut to Person B's perspective, such as a camera mounted on top of the minivan (or symbolizing the height with an artificial front of the vehicle and a movie trolley to reduce shake) which is now pointed directly in line with Person A's exterior image (a character that we could previously not see).
     It would be as if Person A is seeing their reflection in someone else's perspective. Now, presumably (unless I could think of a good reason otherwise) the cut would take place in real time, so if this was modeling a real life situation, it would be complete chaos. The hypothesis would be that you would start somewhere and go very far just through the causal process of eye contact. Likewise, you also face the possibility of making eye contact with someone who is headed home - in which case the camera would be switching back and forth between family members who make eye contact.  This, of course, would be the purpose of the experiment - finding where one line of perspective can take us.
     Although filming it in real life would be literally impossible (unless we rigged an entire set population with cameras and just stopped the film when someone made eye contact with a person who doesn't have a camera. Or we could do a closed course, strategically choreographed set with a camera following each person that was set off by a remote trigger, but even then we'd have to have automatically rotating stands that would be making the authentic look of changing eye contact. I wonder if you started in a city how quickly you would end up in a rural area. I suppose the film would be an excellent example of chaos theory and systems dynamics. Technically speaking, even if the entire thing was choreographed, if you simply started on a different person (even Person B instead of Person A) you'd have an entirely different film, theoretically speaking. I suppose there have to be mathematics to support this; I'm going to look into it.

     Anyway, as an example, we have person A. We in fact have an infinite alphabet of people, each with their own unique personality and background. By transferring immediately from Person A's perspective to the next person in the alphabet that Person A encounters and this new person's perspective, it would be taking a linear approach to a chaotic world. But since no person transfers out of their body and follows a gaze, making a film like this would inevitably imply that reality itself is not linear but cyclical, or at least interconnected. I suppose this is where systems theory and chaos theory originated from...

     How else could you ever explain an experiment like that mathematically without hitting a brick wall of a meta-dimensional mind-blowing realization that there is no such thing as objective reality (or at least not an objective reality that the human mind can comprehend)?
__________________________________________________


This comes back to free will - if we're not free to think about anything and everything, that is, if the human mind is limited by perception, what constitutes as a will that is free?


I added this video just to illustrate the limitations of our perception.  We might be able to think about higher dimensions, but our perception is more or less limited to the third, even if our being is tied to higher dimensions through the simple fact that our atoms exist.


Does that limit our ability to act freely?

Money as Power

A man decides to walk into a Starbucks, having marveled over the desirable goods on the opposite side of the branded window. The heavy doors swing open, the baristas stand their guard and prepare to act swiftly; the visitor removes his sunglasses, straightens his spine, and smooths his step as he walks forward to speak over the lush tones of jazz in the background.

"I want this."

And he gets it. Whatever his desires may be at this time and place, they will become a reality. A drink with ingredients that are normally separated by continents? Done. A hot and tasty meal, prepared and wrapped to go in seconds? Wish granted. Not satisfied with your order? We'll replace it.

The Customer is God.

This is the power of the dollar. By even strolling into a location designated for products, it is expected that those who request an item will get it, provided they go forth to make a purchase. No money? No item.  If purchasers are treated well though, they will return, and growth for that business will ensue. And so the customer begins to develop a false sense of entitlement: if they've got money, they've got what they want.

This is why, at the most subconscious level, buying things has become an act of comfort and impulse.  We are expressing our power over individuals and whole businesses by allowing them to assume we have money.  This is why it's difficult for many of us to not be impulsive with our purchases. Even if we recognize the irresponsible nature of a  purchase down the road, the heat of the moment is often enough to overwhelm us.  It's as if we are closing in on the hunt, relishing in the glory of being active and skillful consumers, and now, we must make the kill.

"We've come to pillage your location," says the consumer, "we will be taking all we can and you will oblige us at every point along the way."

We are almost always obliged; when we are not, trouble is made, hence the glorification of customer satisfaction at nearly every retailer. And so we make purchases, we are catered to and the endorphins are sent rushing. Shopping becomes an addiction - distributors and retailers are our willful and willing dealers.  We demand, they supply, no questions asked.

It is taboo in this culture (and most cultures) to live a life without expressing yourself. The problem with this, is that as the world grows smaller and faster, we seem to run out of time to see the humanity in those around us. It is demanded that we try to make ourselves known in this world where appropriate, but without a sense of community we tend to shift the importance of expression onto our things and our purchases; our time and our money.  This becomes the most comfortable means of expression for some - they may not be able to say how they feel, but they can wear it or listen to it or consume it.

People's possessions become obsessions in the absence of community, we posit the social value of someone by their collective ownership and belongings.  Our interactions begin to mimic that which we admire most - the consumption of goods and services. Every social interaction, therefore, becomes a public process of reciprocity. This is why people who don't conform to social norms make others terribly uncomfortable. You can't just say something without someone asking for it in some way, and the same goes for business transactions.

Plain and simple, it can be near impossible to get someone to give solely for the sake of giving. We gift, but this is not always giving. We are sometimes baiting, in hopes that our favor will be reciprocated. It's a means of inflicting social manipulation.  This notion may not be comforting, but it is the underlying principle to the social construct of gift giving.

But when we shop, we're not being given or gifted anything; we're taking what we want, when we want...that's why for some of us shopping is the ultimate form of self-expression and power. We can seemingly exhibit unlimited power, anywhere we desire, with enough monetary worth.
Or so we think.

The money we earn (or rather, the time and energy we expel to earn that money) goes towards the production and distribution of goods and services. We work for various establishments, business executives, corporations, companies, tiny shops and big-box stores alike, all for the sake of making money. At the end of the day we can go forth with this money to consume and survive. Somewhere down the line though, if you're putting in hours, you're ensuring that a product or service is being replicated.   We are consuming the goods and services we helped to create, and the people running businesses enjoy that concept - to ensure their survival, they hire help.

By working for a part of the economy, we "help" the economy by the media's standards. But helping the economy is based on helping the economy grow. This is why most nations in the U.N. judge the well-being of a country based on its GDP. The economy is the foreground of modern life, but it's starting to take up so much space that there's little room for anything else. We've put so much time into it; we start to assume it must be the most important thing to us, even if there is no correlation between GDP and happiness.  This growth had become the obsession of American economists after WWII, and eventually, we all became a part of it.  We are all participants of a machine that has become self-perpetuated.  The act of one person leaving the machine is not enough to drag it to a halt or give the appearance of making a difference.

But the collective efforts of many could certainly make a difference. As a student, I know what I put my time and money into: educating myself and living a sustainable life. As a future employee, I hope that the only organizations and business I contribute to are ones which I can ethically support. If the value of my money is enough to vote for the creation of businesses and products, why earn my money (and expel energy) at a place I have no reason to support?

Many of us find ourselves in situations where we tolerate terrible employers, rationalizing our ethical poverty with the importance of money.  This does not have to be the case. If enough people refuse to work for businesses that make unethical decisions, those businesses will deteriorate and eventually implode.  If we make conscious decisions with the spending of our dollar, we support the businesses that truly need to exist in this time and place.

It's common thought in western culture that somewhere along the line, money = power.  On the most general level, this is an easy concept to grasp and become a part of.  But this is somewhat of an illusion - the social power of the dollar is only defined by the constructs we give it.  Nothing has ultimate power if we accept that everything is but space, molecules, and energy, because we are all connected. While I understand it is highly improbable to someday eradicate the social power we ascribe to the dollar, the least we can do is use that power for good.

When you buy something, when you consume a product, when you scour the internet for the right price or race to the mall to gain access to the newest sale, recognize the time and energy from around the planet that went into making the goods and services you consume.  Even if it was made down the street, or by ethical means, is it energy you're willing to represent? Is it energy you need to keep for yourself?

When voting with your dollar, ask yourself:

"Am I awake?"

_________________________________________________

Update March 22nd:


I could write loads more on this, but as usual, The "Story of Stuff" Project has done an excellent job at keeping it simple...

Don't Be a Member of a Lost Generation

http://www.elephantjournal.com/

Free Music?

I'm gonna go ahead and call the folks at Pandora Radio a bunch o' racists. At the very least, prejudiced...


I understand that no person, or any organization for that matter, could ever keep up with the exponential growth of the world of music. But while I suppose keeping on the cutting edge of music would be difficult, is it that hard to research our past? I'm a bit disappointed in Pandora (one of the most ingenious web applications ever devised due to its ease of use of non-existent price tag) for not having Fela Kuti, Bobby Benson, or any early artists from Nigeria, Ghana, and the funkiest parts of Africa. 


Where's Yoruba music, Pandora? What about Highlife and AfroBeat? You present your wonderful web application as if these genres don't exist, yet they are the source of some of the most popular music in collective world culture - without the rhythm that originated in Africa, we would have no blues, no funk, no jazz, no improvisation or flexibility in professional musicianship. The artists from the various genres of Africa are masters of their craft, yet they remain unnoticed. 


The Beatles understood this - all of their earliest endeavors were R&B, Blues, Soul, and Motown covers; if plans hadn't fallen through, Revolver would have been recorded in a Motown studio; George Harrison brought sitars and ethnic instruments to the world of pop culture - their appreciation for world music allowed them to revolutionize pop music and become the most influential artists of the 20th century. They saw it, Pandora, why can't you?


Pandora, I don't mean to be insulting, but I bet you could make some room for these artists if you got rid of a few of the fourteen holiday and Christian stations under your genre selector. People who like holiday and Christian music are the folks who are most likely to own holiday and Christian music. They probably have iTunes genius playlists inspired by Carrie Underwood, Janet Paschal, Creed, and Celine Dion - they're all set. I and the countless others whose tastes are left unrepresented by your handy invention, on the other hand, are not set. You've got a rare groove station, I'll give you that, but so much else is missing. 


I might add that all of your advertisements are geared towards Bud Light, hockey games, American apparel, indie movies and Volkswagons...


White people eat that shit up, that's all I'm saying. 





But I digress - if I can't find what I need on Pandora, I'll have to keep looking elsewhere. Our rich musical past has so much that has yet to be listened to by people of the Post-Modern era...


Folks who have no idea what I'm talking about, you may be in for a treat.  If you like what you heard from the video above, or even if you didn't, there is a whole world of music outside of American pop culture that is absolutely ripe with funk and jazz and ways of making music you've never heard before. This music has nurtured the creation of so much, including political activism in music. Check out "Best of the Black President" from Fela Kuti, or Wikipedia Yoruba music and have a field day. There's a little bit of everything for every person in the variations that grew from this genre - its finiteness and rarity are coupled with a powerhouse of authenticity from each artist within it. I particularly like early Nigerian Blues, even if it's on the outskirts of the genre, but you're likely to hear something you enjoy along the way if you spend enough time at it.


Africa is our ancestral home; the origin of our species' existence and the motherland of music to move your mind, body and soul. Don't let this aural gift remain in seclusion - seek it out and soak it in as you see fit.
___________________________________________________________


Update March 14th:


If you really have no wish to check out older music from Nigeria, at least check out K'naan, one of Somalia's more recognized hip-hop/world artists, as well as Amadou and Mariam, a wonderful duo from Mali.

Late Season's Prophecy

We are upon the dawn of a new era.
A singularity of sorts,
Where all things are connected
And society is pushed
Towards the 
Betterment
Of 
Human-
Kind.


Conflicts will dissolve;
Wisdom will be sought;
Peace will befall us 
And


The Universe will abide.


But 
Not Without
Struggle.

The Incessant Drag of Fashion

Stop caring about what people think.

The other day while stumbling the net, I read Esquire.com's "10 Essential Truths of Men's Style," and a few things in it didn't quite settle with me.  It's not all bad, but it certainly is not all good. 

Above all, the boys at Esquire (who are provided abundant funds from fashion advertisers) would like you to think that style is a realm of truth. This goes the same for women's magazines; the systematic elimination of subjectivity in what you wear, delineated each season in extravagant publications, intended to sell you "what's hot." You're either with it or not in their eyes - you fit the paradigm or you fail.  This type of thinking is not only toxic to free thought, but damaging to the human psyche. I'm all for being a gentleman, treating others with respect, and remaining noble-minded in my pursuits - this does not mean I have to wear an impeccable outfit to prove it.  

Here are some of my gripes with Esquire's "Essential Truths of Men's Style" 

For starters, we've got  the poster child of "dashing good looks":

I will hand it to Esquire, they managed to find a stereotype-busting model for this.  The trimmed porn-star mustache, the "just-woke-up" faux-hawk, the conveniently placed tat that shows the darker side of his polka-dot tie and pink pinstripes.  And yes, certainly, this man is well dressed. But at what cost? As we will find, quite a hefty one.

"Essential Truth # 1. Most people, most of the time, judge you by what you're wearing, and if you care what people think, you should care about what you wear. Life doesn't get much simpler than that."

As inquisitive beings, people are always going to think about something if you're in their field of focus. Even if you're not dead center, you're noticed. People are going to size you up, tear you down, or put you on a pedestal. And you know what? That shouldn't matter. Even in the richest of circumstances, we can never fully control the thought processes of others. Be who you are - it's your body; it's your style. Wearing one color or another, a certain thickness necktie or a certain cut suit, makes no difference to the universe. You are a part of it no matter what you do.  (This applies to all areas outside of the Jersey Shore.)

"Essential Truth # 2. If you like something, respect it. Hang your pants. Roll your ties. Put shoe trees in your shoes. Oh, and wire hangers? The instruments of Beelzebub and, coincidentally, dry cleaners. Stick with wooden ones."

While I agree with this to an extent there's no reason to live your live as if MTV Cribs (or a Macy's clerk) would waltz in at any moment. Also, if you're concerned about wire hangers, what function do any of these suggested clothes have in the natural world? I'm much more concerned about my outfits standing up against a winter freeze or the splash of a river than the damages of what it hangs on.

"Essential Truth # 3. Pull yourself together. Always. Everywhere. Whether you're going to the deli or on a date, every occasion has minimum standards. Try to meet them."

In other words, suck it up. Stop showing emotion. Conform to society, regardless of what it says. Feeling overrun? Down in the dumps? Questioning a norm? Suppress it. These words rang true in the Völkischer Beobachter, and they should ring true now. And if you live a busy, exotic life like the men of Esquire magazine, don't expect to find time to express these urges of emotion. Ever. Instead, use their comprehensive alcoholic drink library to drown out and escape. Have a smoke. Blow a line in the bathroom. After all, slowing down while sober is for sissies. Real men are alcoholics and drug addicts.

It's good to be present with yourself, to feel at ease, and to meet the minimum standards of certain functions. This does not mean that you are the subject of attention at every moment. If you have to fake it for a date, for an occasion, for anyone, you're lying to yourself and everyone around you. Follow your heart. Breathe easy.

"Essential Truth #4. People who are slaves to matching (e.g., belts to shoes, socks to trousers) are shallow and tend to lack in the friends department. Anyone points out that something doesn't match? Punch him. That'll teach him."

Or, "Follow the cult of independence. Feel secure by acting like you're a part of nothing. Insult those different from you, reciprocate insults from others with violence"

The hipster credo, at its most eloquent.

"Essential Truth #5. Learn to sew a button. It's a life-changing skill that teaches you patience and the value of self-sufficiency. We cannot say the same about knitting."

Can't complain about this one. Striving to be practical never hurts.

"Essential Truth #6. Never attempt maintenance, home improvement, house moving, or gardening in any of your best pieces of clothing. You are only asking for trouble."

This ensures that you are never associated with the dirty people you hire to do the maintenance, home improvement, house moving, and gardening for you. Why try to look good while fixing up the house when you can look great next to the underpaid immigrant doing all the work? 

"Essential Truth #7. The best way to look effortless is to work hard at it."

False; the best way to look effortless is to put zero effort into it.  This is something most college students are aware of. Don't feel like facing the day? Go effortless and walk straight to class from bed. The more eye crust, the better.  When I look at a guy who clearly spent hours getting ready for the day, with a freshly pressed sports jacket and khakis, button up and calculatedly loose tie,  $500 watch, hair done up and beard groomed, the last thing I think is "Boy does he look effortless!" It's usually more along the lines of "What's he hiding under that get-up?"

"Essential Truth #8. Your posture is half the investment in buying a new suit. If you're not going to stand up straight, you might as well wear a Hefty bag."

While I support a healthy posture (good for circulation and positive mindset) I would not condone suffocating yourself when you fail to maintain it. That Hefty bag is so last season.

The underlying issue of this "essential truth" is that you should feel required to buy a new suit. While I understand some circumstances call for nice clothing, this pointer implies that the only stylish people are ones with new suits. In other words, if you expect to be accepted, you better be willing to shell out some cash. Don't have cash? Tough cookies.  This further correlates with...

"Essential Truth #9. Fit is the other half. Money is only a minor consideration."

For me, this is the crux of the flaws of "style" in all areas. At best, second hand clothing and outerwear that is meant to weather the storm (but not necessarily society) will only yield second place. If you want the "best dressed" label, you best drop some cash. "Do you see the powerful men that command the room, who make their own lives, who have the perfect woman, who got the front cover of our magazine? You don't have that, you will never have that, but you can get damned close if you follow the wishes of our advertisers!" Hence the creation of this list. 

Some might ask, "What's the big deal? People have money to spend, why not spend it on looking good?" or "Advertisers have always been a part of the system, why pay so much attention to them?"

The answer, for me, is that the mentalities spread by these types of magazines and their advertisers distort our reality. The people in this world who are starving, on the streets, dying of AIDS or incurable diseases, fighting in wars of violence or human rights, suffering from the ailments of an unjust world, will never reach the level of expectations these magazines ascribe to society.  This is why the corporate man on Wall Street has no pity for the homeless man begging for change. "He looks dirty; he looks unkempt, why should I help him?"

The bottom line is that 'style' is a system of discrimination. It allows us to forget what it means to be human, to support grand delusions about the world, to justify the cruelties and abominations of everyday life, and to abandon our global neighbors. It allows us to become self-centered, to put on a mask (or a power tie) and establish a false sense of superiority. It pushes us closer and closer to a constant state of paranoia, developing undying anxieties about things that make no difference in the world.  It shouldn't matter what material my pants are made of; the condition of my garments is not a reflection of my character - only my budget.

Have you heard of Patrick Bateman? Charles Manson? These types of people, fictional or not, are a result of this cultural mentality - that looks dictate reality. It may not be directly correlated with men's magazines, but they certainly play a part in the equation.

Some of this is culture and some of it is unavoidable. But some of it is also self-inflicted. I don't mean to suggest that the world is one way or another; black or white. Rather, consider my argument on a spectrum of grey. You can choose to ignore it. You can also choose to ignore the world of advertisers that we are submerged in. You can choose to call me an idealist. You also can choose to consider the possibility that you are but a tiny fish in a sea of material goods. Or, like most people, you can choose somewhere in between.

Above all you should never forget 
"Essential Truth #10... Check your fly."
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________


Update March 11th


A satirical take on the subjectivity of handsomeness. A rich debate in aesthetics indeed; certainly worth the watch.

Letters to myself, an afternoon with Greg Mortenson, and Squirrel Comm 101

Open Letter To Myself:

It all felt a bit conceited, preparing my outfit for a seminar that was supposed to be full of non-judging, organic friendly, meditation gurus. My hair was long enough to appear "out of step" with society, but kept clean enough to give the appearance of sanity.  My Steven Biko T-Shirt, made by a traveling artist in South Africa, would surely show my interest in philosophy or at least human rights... Should I wear the poncho? No, the poncho would be too much; the poncho would give it away. But the French-pressed, local, fair-trade coffee in a travel thermos - that was a must.

It was a Saturday, the day before my birthday, and I had wound up signing up for a "progressive thinking" seminar under the guidance of one of my professors.   There was a suggested donation, but the instructors (who personally knew my professor) assured anyone coming that the experience, not the money, was what counted.  The suggested donation was twenty-five dollars...I had ten to spend, fifteen for "laundry". I felt like such a fake.

After trudging through several dusty alleyways, running into a few early risers and a handful of typically grumpy townies, I found the place.  It was fairly unassuming location - a plaza with lawyers' offices, dental practices, physical therapy, and on the third floor, "Mindful meditation center of Keene." The eagle had landed...

The name of the seminar was "Awakening the Dreamer: Changing the Dream" and had gained some critical acclaim around the world.  I was expecting something huge: a gathering of international environmental pundits, yoga gurus, and ethical entrepreneurs perhaps, all hoping to "change my ways."  Instead, I found a room full of about ten folks in loose fitting clothing, floor mats, a projector, and endless smiles.  This was certainly different.

What unfolded was one of the most unique, restful, and inspirational experiences of my life.  Each hour of that day was full of new ideas, fun activities, and novel ways of looking at the crises that face our generation and the generations ahead of us.  Even if momentarily, it transformed a cynic into an activist, a skeptic into an optimistic go-getter. To ensure we maintained this positive state after the seminar, we were asked to write a self-addressed letter about our feelings at the end of the day.  So I wrote, and for the most part, forgot about it.  Six weeks later, a few days before the seminar would return to Keene, I got the letter in my school mail stop box.  This is what was on it:

----------------------------------------------------------

What I want to remember most 6 weeks from now:

- Hope and optimism

- I want to feel alive

- To feel healthy

- To feel comforted as I do now.

- Love is the uniting force, separation is an illusion

- "Refuse to participate" (This is in reference to mainstream corporate agendas)

- The power of eye contact

- Feeling out of step with society is a good thing, so is local food

- Don't be afraid to think with the heart

- The eagle (technology & human creativity) will soon fly together with the condor (wisdom & love)

- Bliss and connectedness can be found without mind altering substances.

- Each person has an amazing capacity to connect, share, and love with others.  We all long for that.

- "Green Media Guru" (In reference to what one of my teammates suggested I would become)

- If everything is connected, anything I do to the world I do to myself.

Kevin B. Malicki

---------------------------------------------------------

For me, this is proof that spending six hours in a meditation center with the same ten people, organic food, quiet music, and conversation is capable of yielding some interesting facets of the human subconscious.  Whether these words should be interpreted as wisdom or insanity is for you to decide, but whenever I read this letter I can't help but smile.

Greg Mortenson:

This guy wrote Three Cups of Tea, started the Pennies for Peace fund, and has done immeasurable work in the name of educating the impoverished people of the middle east and around the world.  He's built over 90 schools and raised millions in the name of global education. He spoke at our school today and if there's anything I can say about his cause, it's this:

1.) If you educate a boy, you educate and individual.  If you educate a girl, you educate a community.  Bringing equal education to women is the single most crucial element of building a healthy society.  If you want to cure hunger, help reduce disease, reduce cases of abuse, and lower population, educate the women.

2.) If the world came together and pitched in one billion dollars each year for fifteen years, global illiteracy would be completely eradicated.  If you want to help that, don't send the money to Washington, send it to NGO's that are already in the places needing help.

3.) The military is not as clueless to the middle east as media would like us to think.  In the past 15 months, General David Howell Petraeus and other leaders have been to Afghanistan over three dozen times to talk with village elders about working together.  As put by Dr. Mortenson, you don't have to like diplomacy, you just have to show up and listen.

4.) The culture in the United States is one that has abandoned its elders.  If you want to know how to change the world, if you want to go forth and make a difference, it wouldn't hurt to talk to the people who've seen two world wars, a economic fluctuation, changing times and eroding values.  American culture is one of the only cultures world wide that generally disregards the wisdom of the elderly.  This is not to say that all elderly are infallible, but they deserve a prominent role in our society.

5.) Change is possible now more than ever.  Ten years ago there were only 800,000 kids in schools in Afghanistan, most of which were boys.  After Dr. Mortenson's work, there are over 5 million, 2.4 of which are girls.  If we want progress on this planet, we need to see the humanity in other people, treat them with respect, and listen before we act.

Squirrel Communication

I've been involved in a class called "Opening to Other Ways of Knowing and Being" this semester, and it's a mind-trip.  It's integrative studies, looking at the failures of certain aspects of Western thinking, particularly our education system.  We've also worked on meditation practices, Buddhist understandings of the world, and Native American culture.  The course is jam packed with life-altering material, much too much to list all at once, but one of the more interesting aspects of the class is Native American child psychology...

It was common practice in many Native American traditions to teach children about life by making them watch a certain creature for a week.  Observe their behavior, track their movement, see how they operate in the world.  Watching different animals gave children a sense of mastery and belonging in the world, which in turn, gave insight to living sustainable lives in co-existence with nature.  In many Native American ideologies, our planet is one giant, living, breathing organism.  Everything is connected. We are all one, and each part of this planet offers something else to learn.

So today when passing a squirrel on my way to the dining commons, I just stopped.  Instead of trying to coax the squirrel over, or chase it, or catch it, I just stopped.  I stopped and watched and listened.  The squirrels are fairly tame on campus, but only within reason.  Any attempts to approach a squirrel is usually met with a burst of scurrying grey fur, up a tree, and out of sight.  Not today.

As I watched, wind blowing both my hair and the squirrel's in each direction, I waited for the squirrel to notice me.  We made eye contact, and the squirrel stopped.  Assuming it was a male, he stood up and looked at me.  We spent the remainder of that minute looking at each other, wind tugging on his tail and my hair. A part of me wondered what he was thinking. Whatever it was, it couldn't have been fear.

He inched closer to me,  lackadaisically sniffing the ground.  As soon as I inched forward he inched back.  I must appear quite big to him, I thought.  So I stepped back; he stepped back. I inched left; he inched right.  We had rotated about 45 degrees from our original position at this point - our circle-strafing had guided the squirrel to a flood lamp on the lawn, which he eagerly hopped up on.  I stood still; he stood up on his hind legs.  We stared at each other for another minute.

This nature tango went on for about 5 minutes, briefly interrupted by curious passersby, to which the squirrel responded by fetching an acorn from beneath the dirt and retreating to a birch tree.  I walked carefully to the tree, completely unconcerned with how foolish I looked.  I waited until the squirrel was on a branch just higher than my head.  I assured the squirrel that he was safely out of my reach and out of harm by bowing my head as I walked forward.  Much to my delight the squirrel sat up again, gleefully munching his acorn atop his throne of white birch and studying me.  I must have appeared quite unusual to him for a human.  We were feet apart - I could see his little pink inner cheeks working around the acorn, piece by piece, efficient as ever. I studied the subtle coloration of orange on his fur, wondering if I would spot him again.

Neither of us were sure what was to come next, and it was getting late, so I simply bowed my head and walked away.  Just before I turned the corner, I looked back to the birch tree - happy to see I was still being watched...