The Incessant Drag of Fashion

Stop caring about what people think.

The other day while stumbling the net, I read Esquire.com's "10 Essential Truths of Men's Style," and a few things in it didn't quite settle with me.  It's not all bad, but it certainly is not all good. 

Above all, the boys at Esquire (who are provided abundant funds from fashion advertisers) would like you to think that style is a realm of truth. This goes the same for women's magazines; the systematic elimination of subjectivity in what you wear, delineated each season in extravagant publications, intended to sell you "what's hot." You're either with it or not in their eyes - you fit the paradigm or you fail.  This type of thinking is not only toxic to free thought, but damaging to the human psyche. I'm all for being a gentleman, treating others with respect, and remaining noble-minded in my pursuits - this does not mean I have to wear an impeccable outfit to prove it.  

Here are some of my gripes with Esquire's "Essential Truths of Men's Style" 

For starters, we've got  the poster child of "dashing good looks":

I will hand it to Esquire, they managed to find a stereotype-busting model for this.  The trimmed porn-star mustache, the "just-woke-up" faux-hawk, the conveniently placed tat that shows the darker side of his polka-dot tie and pink pinstripes.  And yes, certainly, this man is well dressed. But at what cost? As we will find, quite a hefty one.

"Essential Truth # 1. Most people, most of the time, judge you by what you're wearing, and if you care what people think, you should care about what you wear. Life doesn't get much simpler than that."

As inquisitive beings, people are always going to think about something if you're in their field of focus. Even if you're not dead center, you're noticed. People are going to size you up, tear you down, or put you on a pedestal. And you know what? That shouldn't matter. Even in the richest of circumstances, we can never fully control the thought processes of others. Be who you are - it's your body; it's your style. Wearing one color or another, a certain thickness necktie or a certain cut suit, makes no difference to the universe. You are a part of it no matter what you do.  (This applies to all areas outside of the Jersey Shore.)

"Essential Truth # 2. If you like something, respect it. Hang your pants. Roll your ties. Put shoe trees in your shoes. Oh, and wire hangers? The instruments of Beelzebub and, coincidentally, dry cleaners. Stick with wooden ones."

While I agree with this to an extent there's no reason to live your live as if MTV Cribs (or a Macy's clerk) would waltz in at any moment. Also, if you're concerned about wire hangers, what function do any of these suggested clothes have in the natural world? I'm much more concerned about my outfits standing up against a winter freeze or the splash of a river than the damages of what it hangs on.

"Essential Truth # 3. Pull yourself together. Always. Everywhere. Whether you're going to the deli or on a date, every occasion has minimum standards. Try to meet them."

In other words, suck it up. Stop showing emotion. Conform to society, regardless of what it says. Feeling overrun? Down in the dumps? Questioning a norm? Suppress it. These words rang true in the Völkischer Beobachter, and they should ring true now. And if you live a busy, exotic life like the men of Esquire magazine, don't expect to find time to express these urges of emotion. Ever. Instead, use their comprehensive alcoholic drink library to drown out and escape. Have a smoke. Blow a line in the bathroom. After all, slowing down while sober is for sissies. Real men are alcoholics and drug addicts.

It's good to be present with yourself, to feel at ease, and to meet the minimum standards of certain functions. This does not mean that you are the subject of attention at every moment. If you have to fake it for a date, for an occasion, for anyone, you're lying to yourself and everyone around you. Follow your heart. Breathe easy.

"Essential Truth #4. People who are slaves to matching (e.g., belts to shoes, socks to trousers) are shallow and tend to lack in the friends department. Anyone points out that something doesn't match? Punch him. That'll teach him."

Or, "Follow the cult of independence. Feel secure by acting like you're a part of nothing. Insult those different from you, reciprocate insults from others with violence"

The hipster credo, at its most eloquent.

"Essential Truth #5. Learn to sew a button. It's a life-changing skill that teaches you patience and the value of self-sufficiency. We cannot say the same about knitting."

Can't complain about this one. Striving to be practical never hurts.

"Essential Truth #6. Never attempt maintenance, home improvement, house moving, or gardening in any of your best pieces of clothing. You are only asking for trouble."

This ensures that you are never associated with the dirty people you hire to do the maintenance, home improvement, house moving, and gardening for you. Why try to look good while fixing up the house when you can look great next to the underpaid immigrant doing all the work? 

"Essential Truth #7. The best way to look effortless is to work hard at it."

False; the best way to look effortless is to put zero effort into it.  This is something most college students are aware of. Don't feel like facing the day? Go effortless and walk straight to class from bed. The more eye crust, the better.  When I look at a guy who clearly spent hours getting ready for the day, with a freshly pressed sports jacket and khakis, button up and calculatedly loose tie,  $500 watch, hair done up and beard groomed, the last thing I think is "Boy does he look effortless!" It's usually more along the lines of "What's he hiding under that get-up?"

"Essential Truth #8. Your posture is half the investment in buying a new suit. If you're not going to stand up straight, you might as well wear a Hefty bag."

While I support a healthy posture (good for circulation and positive mindset) I would not condone suffocating yourself when you fail to maintain it. That Hefty bag is so last season.

The underlying issue of this "essential truth" is that you should feel required to buy a new suit. While I understand some circumstances call for nice clothing, this pointer implies that the only stylish people are ones with new suits. In other words, if you expect to be accepted, you better be willing to shell out some cash. Don't have cash? Tough cookies.  This further correlates with...

"Essential Truth #9. Fit is the other half. Money is only a minor consideration."

For me, this is the crux of the flaws of "style" in all areas. At best, second hand clothing and outerwear that is meant to weather the storm (but not necessarily society) will only yield second place. If you want the "best dressed" label, you best drop some cash. "Do you see the powerful men that command the room, who make their own lives, who have the perfect woman, who got the front cover of our magazine? You don't have that, you will never have that, but you can get damned close if you follow the wishes of our advertisers!" Hence the creation of this list. 

Some might ask, "What's the big deal? People have money to spend, why not spend it on looking good?" or "Advertisers have always been a part of the system, why pay so much attention to them?"

The answer, for me, is that the mentalities spread by these types of magazines and their advertisers distort our reality. The people in this world who are starving, on the streets, dying of AIDS or incurable diseases, fighting in wars of violence or human rights, suffering from the ailments of an unjust world, will never reach the level of expectations these magazines ascribe to society.  This is why the corporate man on Wall Street has no pity for the homeless man begging for change. "He looks dirty; he looks unkempt, why should I help him?"

The bottom line is that 'style' is a system of discrimination. It allows us to forget what it means to be human, to support grand delusions about the world, to justify the cruelties and abominations of everyday life, and to abandon our global neighbors. It allows us to become self-centered, to put on a mask (or a power tie) and establish a false sense of superiority. It pushes us closer and closer to a constant state of paranoia, developing undying anxieties about things that make no difference in the world.  It shouldn't matter what material my pants are made of; the condition of my garments is not a reflection of my character - only my budget.

Have you heard of Patrick Bateman? Charles Manson? These types of people, fictional or not, are a result of this cultural mentality - that looks dictate reality. It may not be directly correlated with men's magazines, but they certainly play a part in the equation.

Some of this is culture and some of it is unavoidable. But some of it is also self-inflicted. I don't mean to suggest that the world is one way or another; black or white. Rather, consider my argument on a spectrum of grey. You can choose to ignore it. You can also choose to ignore the world of advertisers that we are submerged in. You can choose to call me an idealist. You also can choose to consider the possibility that you are but a tiny fish in a sea of material goods. Or, like most people, you can choose somewhere in between.

Above all you should never forget 
"Essential Truth #10... Check your fly."
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Update March 11th


A satirical take on the subjectivity of handsomeness. A rich debate in aesthetics indeed; certainly worth the watch.